The Love You Leave Behind
by The Magnificent Kiwi
Summary: Jesse and Suze broke up in college and lost all contact. Two years later, one simple, impulsive, phone call changes their lives. Did they ever really move on? Oneshot


**The Love You Leave Behind**

**AN - It appears that the best way for me to cure depression (after consuming copious amounts of Ben & Jerry's, of course :)) is to write. So I have another one-shot for you all.**

**Basically I was listening to this song to cheer me up and I got it stuck in my head so I had to do something about it...A word of warning, though...if you are allergic to fluff, do not read, heh.**

**Just a little bit of fluff. It may not seem realistic, but shut up, it's my therapy, lol :).**

**Song credits go to Hinder for Lips Of An Angel**

**Enjoy :) And review :).**

**Disclaimer - All characters, etc. related to the Mediator belong to Meg Cabot.**

****

I should have told him, I really should have. It's simple; "No orchids".

See! I did it!

Those two simple words would have spared me a lot of heartache.

"I'm crying because I am happy," I told him. Of course, I was lying. How could I be happy with him when my heart so clearly belongs to another?

Oh, I tried to get over him, I tried. Just like I tried not to fall in love with him, and we all know how that turned out. And I was actually doing a good job. But every now and then, I see something that reminds me of him...the restaurant he took me to on every special occasion, the aftershave he uses, books...orchids. The orchids were the last straw.

But how was Karl supposed to know that orchids were our special flower? He doesn't even know that Jesse exists. I have not once mentioned him in front of my boyfriend. It never seemed...fitting. What would I say? "Oh, I was in love with the most amazing guy for four years until we broke up. But it's alright...the chances of us getting back together are like...nil. Much to my chagrin."

How many guys would willingly enter into a loveless relationship?

Jesse and I broke up three years after he returned to life. He was busy with med school and I was caught up in my own studies. We hardly spent any time together and in the end I guess we just drifted apart. We broke up with the understanding that we would still be friends, no matter what. It has been two years since that break-up and we haven't spoken to each other for about one and a half of those years.

I missed him terribly. I never really stopped loving him, despite convincing myself that I had. How _could_ I fall out of love with him? He was my first everything...my first love, my first lover, the first guy to actually care about me.

I missed everything about him. I missed becoming lost in his eyes and kissing him for hours on end. I missed making up stupid excuses every time my mother rang me at inappropriate moments. But most of all, I missed the way he treated me. To him, I was always the most important thing in the world. Football never outranked me, nor did baseball or nights out with the boys. He was always spontaneous and would turn up at the end of my classes to take me somewhere. He loved every part of me, not just the naked part or the good-looking part. He knew me, knew my soul. My heart would always belong to him and only him.

But Karl could never know.

He was sleeping now...Karl, that is. I remember that I used to watch Jesse sleep. He always looked so peaceful. We would lie awake in each other's arms for hours until one of us finally drifted off. I missed those days. Karl did not look half as appealing as he slept. Maybe it's because I was in love with Jesse.

I may be engaged to Karl, but my heart could never truly belong to him. I may love him in some ways, but I will never_ truly_ love him. Madam Zara was right...painfully so. I would only have one true love and it would last for all eternity. What she failed to mention, however, was that I would not be with my one true love. He would belong to another...

Her name is Melody. She is twenty-four, one year older than me, painfully good looking and clever to boot. She is much better suited for him than me.

Don't ask me why the tears came. They just did. They dragged my mascara down my cheeks.

I was afraid of waking my fiance, so I slouched into the living room to cry, flicking the radio on as I passed it.

I am no longer ashamed of my tears. I have shed too many over that terrible mistake. I should never have let Jesse go. I should have made the effort to stay in touch. Now he is gone and I have no one to blame but myself.

_'Then pick up the phone.'_

I smiled. My conscience may be annoying, but it does have good ideas sometimes.

So I picked up the phone and dialed. I did not care that it was two am. I needed to hear his voice, to hear it speak my name._ I miss him so much._

I did not realise the irony of the song that started to play as I waited for an answer

_**Honey why are you calling me so late?  
It's kinda hard to talk right now  
Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?  
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud**_

Jesse's POV

I watched the hands of the clock complete another full circle. It is really hard. I do not know why I am lying awake on the couch when I could be curled up in bed with Melody.

I sighed as I realised that my girlfriend was not the one I truly wished to lie next to.

One stupid song had destroyed my happiness.

_'Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me...'_

I thought they did not play music like that on the radio any more. I know that hospital radio is notorious for being bad, but playing that song was in the worst taste. But how were they supposed to know its significance?

I thought that I was over her, but I guess I was wrong. Ever since I heard that song, I have been miserable. All I can see is her captivating emerald eyes, her flawless skin, her soft chesnut hair, her laugh, her smile, the way she kisses.

I wrinkled my nose as I felt tears building up. Men don't cry. Not over women.

I tried so hard to move on. I finally gave in to Melody and went on a date, and now look at me. She is pestering me to propose, and I found a book of baby names under the bed yesterday.

But I had always envisioned my children having perfect green eyes and that rebellious attitude their mother posesses. But they would have a different mother. I have not spoken to Susannah in over a year. She has probably forgotten all about me. Her mother claims that she is now engaged to be married.

I just wish that I could be happy for her.

She still haunts my dreams. Everything about her haunts me. I miss making love to her. It is not the same with Melody, and it is all I can do to stop myself wishing that she was Susannah. Melody deserves someone who will actually love her. Our relationship is as good as dead.

The phone rang for a few seconds before I realised where the noise was coming from.

Who could be calling me at two am?

Someone who was upset, that's who. They did not answer when I picked up, but I did hear a gasp and quiet sniffles on the other end.

"Jesse?"

_**Well, my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on**  
_

I almost dropped the phone. That voice. Oh, my name sounded so good coming from those lips. It always did.

"_Querida_?" I gasped, only realising my mistake when it was too late.

For Susannah is no longer my _querida_. It is strange, but I have not once called Melody by this name. Susannah is the only one I could ever even consider calling _querida_.

She staretd to cry harder when I spoke and I instantly regretted it.

"Hey," I said, lowering my voice so as not to wake Melody who was sleeping in the next room. "What is wrong? Are you alright?"

I must have sounded worried, because she let out a little laugh. How I longed to hold her and kiss away her tears.

"It's so good to hear your voice," she sobbed. I smiled, although she could not see it.

"Yours, too," I admitted.

Then there was silence. I could hear her gently crying, though it sounded distant. Every gently sob tore me to pieces. I wanted to comfort her, to hold her and run my fingers through her hair. But she was no longer mine. That is Karl's job now, now mine.

"Susannah, if he has hurt you-" I started, realising that Karl must have done something for her to cry like this.

She simply laughed at my accusation.

"He hasn't hurt me," she insisted. "He...he bought me some flowers...orchids, actually."

Orchids...I used to buy them for her all of the time. She loved them. Maybe it was for their significance, I do not know.

"Jesse, I-" she started, then I heard her sigh. "Jesse, I miss you. What happened?"

_**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words, it makes me weak**_

"I don't know," I admitted. I was a fool to have lost contact with her. I should have picked up the phone once in a while, even if it was just to hear her voice. "I guess that I was just scared...After everything we had, how could we ever just be friends?"

She sniffed again, signalling that a fresh wave of tears had overcome her.

"Then...then I guess we never really moved on," she laughed. It was a humourless laugh. "I know I didn't."

I swallowed hard. Is she saying...? Does she still love me?

"_Querida_," I gasped, not caring about my slip of the tongue this time. "You did move on. You are engaged!"

This caused another humorless laugh to be ripped from her. She was still crying, I could tell by the quality of her voice.

"I got engaged to force myself to move on," she cried. "Because I tried so hard, but I just couldn't make it on my own. I love you, Jesse, I am not ashamed to admit that now."

Her deep intake of breath at the end of this sentence told me that she had not meant to say this. But I was too stunned to reply. She _did_ still love me. That made me happier than Melody ever could by saying those words.

"I still love you, too," I admitted, feeling ashamed as my own eyes filled with tears. "And it kills me because I am with Melody now. I should not be feeling this way...it is wrong."

**_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_**

She began to cry again, this time mor freely. She was no longer trying to hide her sobs.

"_Querida_, please don't cry," I begged, my voice cracking slightly. "We can make this alright. I promise."

"How?" She demanded. She was crying so hard now that I barely understood her. "We had our chance and we let it pass by. This is our punishment."

I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to ease my own feelings. I just couldn't do this. Unintentionally, my eyes landed on an envelope on the coffee table. That's it!

"Come away with me?" I asked. "Italy. Just the two of us."

There was silence on the line. I had to ask if she was still there. Maybe I had offended her. I was basically asking her to dump her fiance for me. Why did I have to get open tickets?

"What?" She asked eventually.

"I have tickets for Italy," I explained. There was no need to tell her that they were originally for Melody and myself. "Come with me. Tonight. We can figure out what to tell people when we come back."

Her tears must have dried up, because her voice sounded...well, eager...when she replied.

"You mean..._us_?" She asked. I could not help but notice the pure joy in her voice. "Together? What about your girlfriend?"

_**It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And yes I've dreamt of you, too  
And does he know you're talking to me?  
Will it start a fight?  
No, I don't think she has a clue**_

"Susannah, you are all I ever wanted," I assured her. "I can no longer deny what is in my heart. I love you! It would not be fair on Melody if I was to remain here with her."

She started to laugh again, but this time it was with joy.

"Yes!" she half-yelled. "Tonight?"

It was me that laughed this time. She was actually agreeing to this! She was taking me back.

"I will pick you up in an half an hour," I told her. "Pack only what you need."

"Jesse...I love you."

_**Well my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on**_

Suze's POV

What just happened?

I had picked up the phone and dialled his number. All I wanted to do was to hear his voice...to ask if we coudl still be friends. But instead, I found out that he still loves me! He always has. And he was taking me to Italy! This is all so sudden.

I rushed around the bedroom I shared with Karl, gathering my belongings as quetly as I could.

Once it was all done, I turned towards Karl's sleeping form and the guilt hit me for the first time. How could I do this to him?

I paused by his side of the bed before lowering myself down onto the matress beside him.

"You deserve better," I told him. "It is not fair for me to stay with you when I don't love you. Trust me, it's better this way."

I leaned down and planted one last kiss on his forehead, pushing stray strands of hair from his face.

I left him a note to explain my absence and I removed my engagement ring and left it with the note. It was the least I could do. He could save the ring for someone who actually deserved it.

Leaving most of my negativity behind, I dragged my bag out of the apartment block and onto the street.

All of the lights in the wondows were out. Of course, it was almost three am. I am the only person crazy enough to be outside at three am wearing shorts and a tank top. What? Everything else was in my suitcase.

I was only waiting five minutes when I heard a voice.

"_Querida_!"

_**It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words, it makes me weak**_

I spun around so fast that I almost fell over.

Boy, was he a sight for sore eyes. I never realised how handsome he was before. Somehow his eyes seemed deeper, his skin darker and his features more perfectly defined.

I did the only thing that seemed logical; I threw myself into his arms. It felt amazing when his arms came around me and held me closer to his muscular form. He smelled just the way I remembered him.

"Oh," I mumbled into his shirt. It just escaped my lips. I felt stupid after, but I didn't really care. I was in his arms...where I belong.

His hands explored my back. I love the way they used to touch me; so gentle, yet so meaningful. One of them came round and placed itself on my cheek.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice shaking. I could tell by his blooshot eyes that he had been crying A lot.

"Guilty as hell," I admitted. "But it's better for him this way."

He pulled my head towards him and I buried my face in his neck. He smelled _so_ good. There was so much that I wanted to say to him. We had wasted two years without each other.

"Please don't regret this," he begged. "I don't think my heart could take it."

I smiled. How could regret this? How could I regret any of this?

To show him just how much I _didn't_ regret this, I pulled my head back and pressed my lips against his.

I can't even begin to describe the relief that I felt. It felt like our first kiss all over again. Except this time there were no interruptions, and he allowed his hands to roam wherever they wanted.

_**And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel**_

I don't remember how long we stood there, only that I was devastated when he pulled away.

"We have plenty of time for that," he whispered, his breath ragged as his forehead rested against mine.

I laughed and nodded slightly in agreement.

"Thank you for making me happy."

_**Honey why are you calling me so late?**_

Jesse and Suze broke up in college and lost all contact. Two years later, one simple, impulsive, phone call changes their lives. Did they ever really move on?


End file.
